


Lunch Larceny

by hazelNuts



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious, POV Simon, food stealing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 17:44:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15124628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazelNuts/pseuds/hazelNuts
Summary: Someone is stealing Simon's sandwiches and it's pissing him off, because despite the (very polite) notes he's been leaving, it doesn't stop happening. In fact, the thief seems to enjoy their little exchange by fridge notes. And then there's Jace, who has chosen today to start flirting with him. At least, Simon's pretty sure Jace is flirting with him. Possibly...Simon stares at the empty spot in the fridge with disbelief. That morning, when he came in, he’d put his sandwiches in that exact spot. He’d even put a note on it with his name so nobody else would take it. And it’s gone. Again. For the third day in a row!He slams the fridge door shut, and stomps back to his desk. Smashing the keys a little harder than necessary as he types a polite, yet challenging, letter to the asshole who keeps stealing his lunch.





	Lunch Larceny

**Author's Note:**

> If you think I forgot any tags, please let me know in the comments.
> 
> Inspired by [this tumblr post](http://fandom-madnessess.tumblr.com/post/157098202681/rubiks-calamity-capricorn-onthe-cob)

Simon stares at the empty spot in the fridge with disbelief. That morning, when he came in, he’d put his sandwiches in that exact spot. He’d even put a note on it with his name so nobody else would take it. And it’s gone. Again. _For the third day in a row!_

He slams the fridge door shut, and stomps back to his desk. Smashing the keys a little harder than necessary as he types a polite, yet challenging, letter to the asshole who keeps stealing his lunch.

 

To the person who has been stealing my sandwiches (lamb roast on a bed of lettuce on spelt),  
This is ridiculous. We are full-grown adults, not children. Please take responsibility for your actions and stop taking other people’s property!!!!!

 

Simon hits print. He grabs the letter on his way back to the breakroom, snagging a bit of tape from the roll next to the printer. He looks the letter over one more time as he tapes it to the fridge. It’s perfect: Comic Sans to make it look friendlier, and the letters are nice and big so everybody can read it the moment they step into the room. With a satisfied nod he leaves the breakroom to get lunch at the sandwich shop next door.

He doesn’t necessarily dislike the sandwiches there, but nothing is as good as leftovers from his mom’s roast, thinly sliced to make it last longer, on freshly baked, thick slices of spelt bread, with lettuce for the extra crunch and to make the flavours of the meat jump out even more. Spicy chicken with olives on whole-wheat bread just doesn’t cut it if you were expecting a feast.

Annoyance still buzzing through his veins, Simon makes it back to the office in almost record time. In the breakroom, he dumps the sandwiches on the table and grabs his soymilk from the fridge. At least Sandwich Thief didn’t take that. When he closes the fridge his eye catches the piece of paper taped right under his own.

 

Dear Roast and Lettuce on Spelt,  
I have your precious sandwich. It is safe. For now. Put 10 dollars on the plate in the fridge or you’ll never see it undigested again  
(PS Comic Sans? Really? Are we middle schoolers or full-grown adults?)

 

Simon pulls the fridge door open, the contents rattling at the force of it. Right there, where his sandwich used to be, is an empty plate. He fumes at the audacity. This asshole is holding his sandwich _hostage_? He slams the door shut and drops down in a chair. What does he do now?

He should probably eat first. Thinking on an empty stomach is not one of his strong suits.

Glaring a whole in the wall opposite him, with his back to the infuriating fridge, Simon eats in relative peace. Nobody sits down with him or looks at him for more than a second when they see the look on his face, except for one person. Jace Lightwood, who works in the IT department with his brother, Alec, comes in when Simon is downing the last of his soymilk. Usually, Simon would be delighted to talk to Jace. He’d be trying to make a good impression, hoping one day Jace will ask him out, or Jace will say yes when Simon asks him.

‘Anyone else come in?’ Jace asks.

Simon shrugs. ‘A couple people.’

‘Can you tell me who?’

‘No.’ The part of his brain that holds the giant crush Simon has on Jace is cursing at him, but it’s drowned out by the rest of his brain cursing at Sandwich Thief.

‘Right.’ Jace walks past Simon to the fridge. He roots around in there for a while, then reappears in Simon’s line of sight with a cup of yoghurt. ‘You okay?’ he asks.

The genuine concern mellows Simon a little and he nods. ‘Yeah, I’m okay. Just dealing with some asshole, and I’m not sure–‘ Then the obvious next step hits him, and he grins. ‘I just figured out what to do.’

‘Hope it works out.’ Jace returns his smile, then leaves the breakroom.

Simon pulls his phone out of his pocket to text Clary. Why didn’t he think of her sooner?

 **To Clary:  
** Someone is holding my sandwich hostage and demanding 10 dollars. What do I do?

He hits send and goes back to his computer. He might as well go back to work; if Clary is painting or drawing, or walking through the city for inspiration, she might not answer for a couple hours. But before he’s even settled back at his desk, his phone buzzes.

 **From Clary:  
** Mode of delivery for the ransom? Prove of sandwich?

 **To Clary:  
** A plate in the fridge and no

 **From Clary:  
** Do not pay! Victim might already be gone

 **To Clary:  
** I have to believe there’s still hope

 **From Clary:  
** Tell them you’ll get the authorities involved if they don’t give it back

 **To Clary:  
** I’m not gonna go to HR for a sandwich. Lydia’s nice but she’s not patient with idiots 

 **From Clary:  
** You’re not an idiot and it’s not just a sandwich, and you don’t have to go just TELL them you will 

Simon thinks it over. It’s pretty brilliant. He sends her a quick thank you, then types out his response to Sandwich Thief’s letter.

  

Dear Sandwich Thief,  
Please grow up and return my sandwich! this is very unprofessional! If I ever find out who’s doing this I won’t hesitate to CONTACT HR!!!!  
(PS The Comic Sans was to show that I’m a nice person who doesn’t hold grudges)

 

After taping this letter to the fridge Simon goes back to work, even if he’d much rather stake out the breakroom to see who’ll respond to his letter.

For the next hour Simon drowns himself in numbers. It’s almost the end of the month and he has a review coming up soon. Lydia, head of HR, doesn’t mind things being done right on the deadline, his chef, Raphael, wants things done the moment he asks. So Simon types, then checks, and double checks all the numbers and receipts.

When he finally comes up for coffee, his shoulders and butt are a stiff from sitting in the same position for too long. With his crossed fingers hidden in his pockets, he steps into the breakroom. The first thing he sees is the letter taped below the one he hung up after lunch.

There’s a photo on it, of _his_ sandwich. It’s cut into little pieces and there’s a hand holding up one of them.

Simon reads the letter, furious fire rushing through his veins.

  

Dear Roast and Lettuce on Spelt,  
For every hour you continue to refuse my demands I’ll remove another bite of this sandwich. Please take this seriously. We are professionals, after all.  
–Sandwich Thief

 

Simon stares at the picture in disbelief. _His sandwich!_ The threat of HR clearly didn’t work. He snaps a picture of the letter and sends it to Clary, hoping for better advice.

‘Hey, Simon.’

He turns and finds Lydia standing in the doorway.

‘Coffee?’ she asks, holding up the pot.

‘Wha– Yes, thank you,’ Simon says when he’s collected himself a little.

After pouring the coffee, Lydia hands him a cup and stands next to him. She looks from the letters on the fridge to Simon.

‘I’m guessing you’re Roast and Lettuce on Spelt?’ she asks. The tilt of her mouth is one of amusement.

Simon would be offended, but he knows he’s a little overprotective of his sandwiches. He nods, then grips his coffee a little tighter. His sandwich is being cut up! And eaten! By someone who isn’t him!

‘I’ll be right back,’ Lydia says and hands her coffee to Simon to hold.

She walks out of the breakroom with a speed that anyone else would have to run to keep up with, and a couple minutes later she’s back with a piece of paper in her hand. She stands in front of the fridge considering where to put it, then simply tears both Simon’s and Sandwich Thief’s letters off and tapes her own right in the middle.

‘Thank you,’ she says as she takes her coffee back. ‘And don’t forget to recycle these.’ She hands Simon the letters and leaves.

Curious, Simon reads Lydia’s letter.

 

Dear Sandwich Thief,

Hi. This is Lydia from HR. Please return the sandwich and we won’t investigate this matter further.

 

That’ll do it, Simon thinks. He’ll come back in a little while and he’ll find his sandwich back in its place. Sipping his coffee, and a smile on his face, Simon returns to his desk. He fully intends to work twice as hard for to make up for his distraction, but when he tries to log into the office intranet his computer freezes.

‘Shit,’ he mutters, and quickly calls IT.

_‘IT, this is Jace.’_

Simon had quietly hoped he’d get Alec. Now that he’s no longer worrying about his sandwich he wants to bang his head against the wall for ruining his chance at a real conversation with Jace earlier.

‘This is Simon from Accounting. My computer froze when I tried to log in.’

‘ _Hello, Simon from Accounting.’_

Simon can almost hear the smirk in Jace’s voice.

_‘It’s been doing that. It usually unfreezes after a couple minutes, but I need to head your way anyway in ten minutes, so if it’s not unfrozen by then, I’ll take a look.’_

‘Thank you,’ Simon says, and hangs up. He sits back with his coffee and waits for Jace to show up or his computer to unfreeze, whichever comes first. He hopes it’s Jace.

Sadly, by the time Jace appears by his desk, he’s already knee deep in untangling the receipts Meliorn turned in. Simon is certain the guy makes his purchases purposely in places that only give handwritten receipts, if any, just so Simon has to check they’re all actually for the company purchases. Everything is always in perfect order, but Simon will be the one in trouble if Meliorn makes the web too tangled and things don’t add up in the end.

‘Told you it would only take a couple minutes,’ Jace says.

‘Yeah.’ Simon nods. He wants to keep Jace here a little longer and feverishly searches for something else to say. ‘Sorry if I was a little short with you, earlier.’

Jace shrugs. ‘It’s fine. Not used to your sentences being less than five words, though. That was a bit weird.’

‘I’ll do my best to stick to a six word minimum from now on,’ Simon says, his lips turning up into a answering smile to Jace’s. ‘Wouldn’t want to weird you out too much. You might never show up at my desk again.’ Simon’s heart stops and his face flushes. ‘Uhm…’

‘Little chance of that,’ Jace says, a crooked smile on his face.

Simon blinks. Is Jace flirting with him? Is this the right moment to ask him out? Jace is here, and smiling, and making flirty remarks. That means it’s the right time, right?

‘Chatting on the boss’s time?’ Raphael asks, popping up next to Jace, one eyebrow raised, and his expression one of stony annoyance.

‘I had a problem with my computer earlier. Jace just wanted to know if everything was fine now,’ Simon quickly says.

‘And is it?’ Raphael asks.

‘Yes.’

Raphael’s smile looks as friendly as a blade pressed against your throat. ‘Well, then you can both get right back to work.’

‘You know, he’s always a lot friendlier at the office parties,’ Simon muses when Raphael’s gone. ‘I wonder what he thinks I’ll do if he didn’t scare me into working.’

‘Steal staplers?’ Jace offers.

‘You don’t think I’d come up with something more adventurous?’ Simon protests.

‘Office sex?’

‘I don’t think I’m that adventurous,’ Simon splutters, blushing. Great, now he’s thinking of office sex with Jace, while Jace is standing two feet away.

Jace laughs, then turns around to leave, waving goodbye to Raphael.

Simon wants to bang his head against his desk, but sadly he needs his brain to work at full capacity to untangle Meliorn’s receipts. When he’s finally pulled on the last thread, and everything adds up, Simon thinks: _I deserve an award for this, but a snack will have to do._ So he pushes away from his desk and makes his way to the vending machine. He deserves something sweet. Maybe chocolate. And maybe his sandwich will have been returned by now.

Simon freezes in the doorway of the breakroom. Lydia’s letter did not help. There’s a new page stuck to the fridge, and all it says is:

 

Buy me a pizza.

 

Simon quickly races back to his desk to type and print his response, a very resounding no. When he tapes it up he realizes he forgot to change the font to Comic Sans, but he doesn’t really care right now.

He gets his snack from the vending machine, though it’s more a consolation than a reward now, then goes back to morosely eat the chocolate. He’s still annoyed with Sandwich Thief, and maybe it’s the leftover pride of having Jace possibly flirt with him, but he’s not as bothered by the whole thing as before.

Until Raj shows up at his desk to tell him that there’s another letter taped to the fridge.

‘He says he’s not even gonna eat it,’ Raj chuckles. ‘Honestly, the sandwich can’t be that good if the thief doesn’t think it’s even worth swallowing.’

Simon doesn’t respond, just nods and waits until Raj goes back to where he’s supposed to be, which is the entrance two floors down, then races to the breakroom. Raj was right.

 

By the way… I’m not even going to eat it. Just gonna chew it up and spit it out.  
_How does that make you feel?  
_ (PS you forgot to use Comic Sans in your last response)

 

There’s a picture of Sandwich Thief’s hand holding another piece of the sandwich. Any good humour Simon had built up over the last couple hours evaporates. 

 

If you steal my food the least you can do, is respect it enough to eat it! You’re the worst!!!

(PS Comic Sans is back, but no longer to show you how nice I am. This is now an ironic use of Comic Sans)

 

Simon checks the fridge every half hour, and still Sandwich Thief manages to sneak in another response without him finding out who it is. 

 

Oh my dear L-Swizzle, I am so very far from the worst. Mankind’s flaws can’t be judged on such a simple spectrum as that. Open your eyes. You lash out at such pettiness, but ignore the hideous nature of the world at large. There is a hunger, my dear Lamb Roast and Lettuce on Spelt, a hunger that is spreading from the deepest, darkest pits of this hellish corporate chasm. This sandwich is the birthcry of a new era, and when the revolution finally comes, pitiful vagrants like yourself will be the first to be devoured.  
The deed is done. Weep for the world you once knew. For it is but crumbs upon the sill of despair. Soon to be swept away by the righteous gusts of Change.  
(PS Thank you for using Comic Sans again)

 

Feeling defeated, Simon pours himself a coffee and dumps as much sugar in it as he can without the cup overflowing.

The hour of the day passes at a snail’s pace. Now that he’s lost the sparring match with Sandwich Thief and his sandwich has paid the price, life seems a little dull. That last response was poetic, Simon will give them that, but there’s also not much he can say to that. Maybe he’ll have it figured out by tomorrow morning. He thought of asking Clary again, but she still hasn’t responded to his last message, so she’s probably immersed in her own little world.

Even with all the interruptions and distractions of his conversation with Sandwich Thief, he finishes his work on time. He can’t wait to get home. He’s going to have a nice dinner with lots of ice cream for dessert. And later, he has band practice, so maybe he can get some inspiration for his next response from them. If not, at least he’ll be able to get rid of some of his frustration.

He grabs his coat, bag, and the coffee mugs he’s collected on his desk during the day, and heads for the breakroom. He likes leaving his desk as tidy as possible, the cleaners have a hard enough job without having the haul around his dirty dishes.

He tries to avoid looking at the fridge, but after everything that’s happened today, it’s physically impossible. He surprised to see two new letters taped up.

 

Hi, Lydia from HR again.

Jace, we checked the office’s printer queue and traced the requests back to your desk. Could you please come to see me at your earliest convenience.

 

 _Jace?_ Jace was the one stealing his sandwiches? A chuckle bubbles up in Simon’s throat. That was the absolute last person he suspected. Although, now that he thinks about it, Jace was in this floor’s breakroom a lot today, even though he and Alec have a perfectly working fridge in their office.

Wait, did Jace know he was stealing _his_ sandwiches? Was that why he was flirting? Or was he just mocking him?

Confused, and more than a little annoyed again, Simon storms down to the ground floor to Jace and Alec’s office. He slams the door open to find Jace alone at his desk. He’s sitting behind his computer, lines of code running across his screen as fast he can type..

Jace looks up from his screen. His mouth ticks up in a smile. ‘That was a dramatic entrance. Can you gi–‘

‘You!’ Simon fumes. He stalks over to Jace and looms over him, his arms crossed. ‘I can’t believe it was you!’

‘What was me?’ Jace asks.

Even now, Simon can’t help but think that the way Jace’s eyebrows rise in confusion is really cute, and having him look up at him like this–

Okay, probably best to take a step back.

‘You know what you did,’ Simon hisses. ‘You stole my sandwiches!’

At the speed with which Jace’s face first goes pale and then red, it’s a miracle he doesn’t faint. Jace clears his throat and looks away from Simon like he’s embarrassed.

‘Those were yours?’ Jace asks. His eyes are wide, and his face is slowly paling again. ‘I thought those sandwiches were Raj’s.’ Jace groans and pulls a hand through his hair.

‘Why would you want to steal Raj’s sandwiches?’

‘Because he keeps refusing to let me and Alec in early even when we have to be or when the weather is shitty. He left us standing in the rain for ten minutes last Friday!’ Jace explains. ‘The first time was just to mess with him, but then I decided he didn’t deserve such delicious sandwiches, so…’

‘You kept stealing my sandwiches,’ Simon finishes the sentence. He tries to stay mad, but Jace looks _worried_ at having stolen Simon’s sandwiches, eyebrows contracted and his eyes wide and pleading. It’s incredibly cute. He almost reaches out to smooth out that frown with his fingers

‘I’m really sorry. I’ll make it up to you,’ Jace promises. He jumps out of his chair and grabs Simon’s arm. ‘I’ll buy you lunch for a week.’

‘With lunch desserts?’ Simon asks, squeezing out the words as if heat isn’t traveling through his body from where Jace is touching him.

Jace huffs out a laugh and rolls his eyes. His smile is soft and beautiful when he says, ‘With lunch desserts.’

‘Okay.’

Jace’s touch, and smile, and the thought of having a standing lunch date with Jace for a week have Simon feeling giddy. He lips spread into a wide smile, that somehow grows even bigger when Jace’s smile grows in response.

‘Thank god.’

They jump apart at Alec’s voice, Jace falling into his chair and rolling back a couple feet.

‘You asked him out, he said yes, can we go home now?’ Alec asks.

_What?!_

‘Alec!’ Jace hisses.

‘What?’ Alec asks. He looks from Jace to Simon, and he must see Simon’s surprise, because a look of guilt flashes across his face. ‘Uhm…’

‘You were going to ask me out?’ Simon asks. ‘That was something you were going to do today?’

‘Why do you think he was upstairs so much? It wasn’t for the spectacular view,’ Alec answers.

‘I’m disowning you as best friend and brother,’ Jace says. He jumps out of his chair and shoves a smirking Alec out of their office and slams the door. When he turns around and leans against the door, he’s blushing. Simon can’t help but feel a little smug about that. Jace is blushing because of _him_.

‘So…’ Simon prompts. He takes a step closer, heart hammering in his chest.

‘So I was going to ask you out during lunch, but then you looked really pissed off, and I figured it wasn’t the best time. And then the whole thing with the sandwich happened…’

‘The sandwich was why I was pissed off,’ Simon reminds him. He takes another step, and this time Jace advances, too.

‘If only I’d know,’ Jace sighs. ‘I could’ve been your knight in shining armour.’

Simon laughs. ‘But you were on my floor a lot. You had plenty of other opportunities.’

‘You were working every time I passed by. Or Raphael interrupted.’

‘Damn Raphael,’ Simon mutters. ‘Well, I’m here now. Neither of us is working.’ He gestures around the office. ‘And there’s no one to interrupt us.’

‘Simon?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Would you like to go out with me sometime?’

‘Hmm,’ Simon hums. He tilts his head and taps his chin with his finger.

Jace raises his eyebrows, and crosses his arms with a huff, but his eyes twinkle.

‘Yes, I would very much like to go out with you,’ Simon relents with a chuckle.

‘Cool,’ Jace says. He’s obviously trying to keep a straight face, his cheeks twitch and his lips are pressed together to keep from pulling into a smile. When he gives up, his smile is blinding and Simon can’t help but smile back.

~

Three weeks later, Simon is sitting at his mom’s dining table, Jace next to him, and his mom and Becky across from them. He’s introduced Jace to them tonight, and so far it’s going really well. His mom is smiling, and his sister teasing. Maybe it’s safe to say that it’s going _really_ well.

‘Jace, I made this especially for you, since I know it’s your favourite,’ his mom says.

Becky presses a hand to her mouth, hiding her laughter when his mom pulls the cover off the dish and reveals what’s underneath.

‘Is that lamb?’ Jace asks in disbelief.

Becky bursts out laughing, and Simon can’t hold it in himself. His mom’s shoulders are shaking when she says, ‘Yes, it is. Roasted.’

Jace shakes his head. ‘I’m gonna be eating lamb here for the rest of my life, aren’t I?’ Jace sighs.

‘Probably,’ Becky says with a grin.

‘Definitely,’ Simon says at the same time.

Jace turns to him, grabs his hand and squeezes. ‘That sounds amazing.’

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [tumblr](http://fandom-madnessess.tumblr.com/).


End file.
